The Brown Eyed Dreamer

'Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.' William Wordsworth

Blessing Counting

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I used to face every problem that came my way with passive pessimism; I met minor issues with quiet complaints and grumbles, saw a world in grayscale with a slightly musty smell. Everything wasn’t great, but it wasn’t awful either. 

Now that I’m beginning to experience actual sadness, I’m seeing life in a different way. If I let each bout of melancholia drown me in its sea, or let myself be suffocated in sighs of depression, I could not consider myself alive. And so, while shutting myself alone in a room, cradling my cracked carcass of a heart in my arms and crying until I can feel no more tears come to greet my cheeks seems like the easier option when facing dark times, it is not what I do. 

I count my blessings now. 

For every scrap of sad news I hear, for every lurch of disappointment I feel, for every urge to break down that rocks my corpse I give myself a reason to stay standing. I tell myself to put a damn smile on my face and survive, because what’s the point in being anything other than happy? This world is so full of the bitter taste of loneliness and gloom already, so what harm would a little bit of hope do? Why on earth would I lock myself up in all of my doubts, depressions and disappointments when I could simply choose to be happy? Why should I continue complaining when I have so much to be thankful for? I’m alive, aren’t I?

This is how I survive now. And I urge anyone who feels trapped behind the dusty cobwebs of cynicism to try out optimism too. Because, let me tell you, the world looks a hell of a lot brighter in colour. 

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Author: thebrowneyeddreamer

Teenage girl from the mysterious, rainy land of Northern Ireland, obsessed with music, France and movies. I like to write books and poetry when I can get my head out of the clouds.

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