The Brown Eyed Dreamer

'Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.' William Wordsworth


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NaNoWriMo- Day 1

Anyone would’ve looked away at this point- after all, it was only a mundane interaction between boy and girl, waitress and customer. But something stopped me from averting my eyes, and that’s when I saw it. I watched her walk behind the counter to get his coffee, and I watched his eyes as he followed her every move. And in his stare was a look that had gone unnoticed to everyone except me. There in his soft smile and bright eyes stood that tiny flickering flame, that glimmering shred of hope shining in a kaleidoscope of quiet despair. I watched him watch her with such intensity it seemed to pain him, and eventually his eyes dropped back to his book. He shook his head, sighed softly, eyes riveting over the pages but not seeming to take anything in. A few seconds later she was back with his drink and they were both smiling and laughing as friends again- but I’d seen it. I’d recognised that look; it had existed in so many faces that passed through this old café. It was a look that occurred over cups of coffee, in all those hellos and goodbyes and in all those careless wandering words that filled the spaces in between. 
The poor boy was in love, and the girl he looked at with such longing had absolutely no idea.

So this year I’ve decided to do NaNoWriMo again as a way of trying to get into writing again. This year I’m writing a collection of short stories all about the many regulars of one café. Above is a small excerpt of what I’ve written so far; it’s been great so far getting back into the feel of writing! Good luck to everyone doing NaNo this year and if I don’t write here again before the end of the month, have a wonderful November everyone!

~thebrowneyeddreamer


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A bitter thank-you; An honest goodbye.

I should really thank you for
Making me perfect cups of tea and
Showing me all your favourite bands and
Staying up late to say everything about nothing.

But I just want to forget about
Wasted tears falling in empty mugs and
Reminders of you in every stupid song
And staying up waiting for replies that never came.

You never really cared,
Did you?


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One Day

One day you’re going to wake up to an empty bed
And realise exactly what you’re missing.
In between the sheets will lie the soft scent and gentle laughter
Of a girl you fed lies to, a girl you led to her demise
All in the name of a love you knew was never true.
So I hope that laughter tugs at your chest,
And that scent wraps itself around your throat
And reminds you how beautiful she was, how wonderful she was
And how stupid you are for noticing too little too late.
One day you’re going to watch her walk straight past
And realise exactly what you just let go.
Cry out all you want- curse until your lips crack dry,
It was always going to end this way;
You let her slip between your slithering grasp
And she’s too far away to get back.


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Bridge

A walk home through the park
Where darkness swallows every stride,
Your hand in mine because you know I get afraid.
Took me to the bridge
To hold me tight and kiss me slowly,
When you stop to ask that lingering question.
‘Is it perfect for you too?’

Yes, the breeze whispers through branches,
Yes, the river murmurs underneath,
But still mouth forms no words.
Look straight into wide, inquisitive eyes,
Nod profusely, please let that be enough,
I swear, I swear more than anything,
It’s perfect for me too.


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Ramblings

I love how  you speak. Words roll gently out of your mouth and slow dance around our heads like the ripples of firefly ashes that glide from a dying flame. Your voice wraps itself around my mind and lingers long after silence envelopes the spaces between you and I, your lips whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Your words, always the right ones, like you took the time to pick them out for me. before letting them escape your mouth.

It could not be more different from how I speak. My mouth is a babbling brook, words frothing out of my throat and tumbling clumsily through the silence.  They gather like the final wave of the sea, crashing ashore as words slop over each other and muddle together as they spill out of my lips. My chatter cartwheels around your gentle flame in excitable, graceless bounds. Before I can stop them, they plummet from my mouth and pierce through the silence, never the right words, never what I wanted to say.

But your words are there to meet my words, to calm them into a quiet, ebbing shore. Your soft voice is there to lull my nervous high-pitched ramblings into sweet serenity. A few simple words to slow my cluttered mess of a mind, a few of the right words, the best words. Something in the way you speak enchants me, and I’m left mesmerised by the way in which you speak, the beauty that lies in how you talk.


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Of Yesterday

Of yesterday I’ll remember,
The sharp brightness of February’s sun,
Cold air that cloaked two figures side-by-side,
Hands brushing like the whisper of the wind.
I’ll remember the hushed whir of a projector,
Shoulders touching gently in the dark,
Silent anticipation held in fleeting glances
And the fumbling of fingers on laps.
The sound of laughter will echo in my mind,
Of teasing, play-fighting and stupid faces,
And your eyes, your eyes bright in the sunlight,
Will remain long after memory fades.
I’ll remember a train ride home,
The sky fading to an inky shadow that cloaks
The world surrounding as fast as the cold,
Day fading slowly as shadows crawl in.
An arm relaxed around my shoulders,
Fingers braiding and unbraiding themselves,
In hands I had not known before,
And a soft, comforting voice beside me.
But most of all I’ll remember the moonlight,
The gentle creak of rusted swings in the breeze,
And your lips, your lips a breath from mine,
Then no distance left between.


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Valentine

I don’t understand how anyone could hate Valentine’s day, because once you peel back the plastic, fake exterior of heart-shaped balloons, chocolate and material roses, you see the small sliver of what the day is all about- love. Pure, simple, love.

It blows my mind to think of how many people found love today, whether greeting it as a tentative stranger or welcoming it like an old friend. The many people who let the weight finally fall off their shoulders and confessed their feelings, letting emotion tumble clumsily out of them and into somebody else.

Think of the amount of fluttering butterflies, hammering hearts and shaking sweaty palms. The amount of pens poised above paper, fingers hovering over keys and lips parted ready to speak. The amount of people who took the plunge into the ice cold deep, and were forced to wait a shattering few seconds for a reply.

‘I feel the same.’

The amount of breaths released like balloons to the sky, eyes lit up like lanterns and smile dancing across faces. The amount of people whose lips slowly met another’s in a moment of pure, honest love, as a thousand sparks exploded and cascaded around their heads and raced to the ceiling above their heads.

The amount of fingers intertwined and hands gently brushing. The amount of blushes, stumbles, stutters, giggles, smiles. The amount of confessions released and stories began. Heart-wrenching, raw, beautiful, entwined in a single touch, smile and word passed between smiling lips- love. That is why I love Valentine’s Day.