The Brown Eyed Dreamer

'Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.' William Wordsworth


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Bridge

A walk home through the park
Where darkness swallows every stride,
Your hand in mine because you know I get afraid.
Took me to the bridge
To hold me tight and kiss me slowly,
When you stop to ask that lingering question.
‘Is it perfect for you too?’

Yes, the breeze whispers through branches,
Yes, the river murmurs underneath,
But still mouth forms no words.
Look straight into wide, inquisitive eyes,
Nod profusely, please let that be enough,
I swear, I swear more than anything,
It’s perfect for me too.


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A Love Like That

I want a love like my parent’s.

They met each other through church when they were just kids, and happened to be in the same group. My mum told me that she fell for my dad as soon as she met him, and decided that he was going to be hers. And from that day she obsessed over my dad and followed him like a lone sick puppy.
My dad, on the other hand, was not so fond of mum; in fact, he found her constant presence annoying. And so for most of high school she followed him around and he tried his very best to ignore her, his eyes always more focused on two pretty blond sisters in school. Constant rejection eventually got the better of my mum however, and eventually she must have given up on the idea of my dad, and passed him in the hallways without giving him a backward glance. And suddenly, dad started to notice mum.
In a strange kind of way, he missed her excitable giggly nature and how eager she was to please. He missed her small figure looking up at him with pure wonderment in her child-like eyes. He missed the daydreaming looks and small blushing smiles she flashed him when they passed by each other. He missed the girl, who, despite having an amazing ability to annoy him more than anyone else, loved him with her everything. He missed the girl who had once seemed so plain, and now stood out amongst everyone. And so it came to be that on one day at a church event, something pretty amazing happened.
Now, remember I mentioned the two blond sisters? Well, their mother seemed to think my dad was a perfect match for her daughters, and thought she’d tell my dad so.
‘Billy,’ she greeted him, a girl on either side of her, ‘I know you and my daughters would go very well together. Which of them would you like to go on a date with?’
Dad smiled a little, at two girls he’d spent most of his school life thinking about, then turned round to a small girl beside him. A girl with child-like eyes and a giggly nature, who’d spent years falling head over heels for him and hadn’t stopped. A girl who looked up at him at that very moment, her eyes clouded with confusion and tiny shreds of hope, her mouth ever so slightly agape.
‘I think,’ he replied, sliding an arm around her shoulders, ‘I think I’ll stick with Kay for now.’
And so they walked off, leaving a frustrated mother with two very pretty but slightly embarrassed sisters. Soon after they started dating, and years after that they got married. Now about twenty years later, their love is still as strong and pure as it was that day and the days that followed. Yes, they’ve had their hard times, but they’ve pulled through. They made it through the worst of it, and although there’s probably more to come I think they have a strength that can endure.
When I see my parents all I can see is this overwhelming love. A love that I think everyone should have a notion of, a love that one day I hope to find. A love that I hope finds me.


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When It All Began

I can still remember that night as if it only just happened. You called me to come up to your house  after everyone had left, and I snuck out with my dog, claiming I was taking him for a walk.

Shivering from the cold, I stood and waited outside your house for you to come out, and when you appeared at the door, I just about fought the urge to break into a huge smile. When you came outside, you instantly noticed I was cold and wrapped your arms around me to stop me from shivering so much. I leaned into you, letting your arms wrap around me and burying my face into the soft scent of your hoody. And we stood there hugging in the cold autumn air, my dog sniffing absent-mindedly at our feet.

Eventually you broke the silence. ‘Remember that Thursday, you said I had to tell you if I ever liked you again?’

I nodded, my head still resting on your chest. “Yeah?’ I replied questioningly, unable to keep the shakiness out of my voice from the cold and the growing butterflies thundering inside me.

‘Well… I like you.’

I broke apart from you slightly, far enough so I could look up into your eyes.Up into those bright blue eyes I’d been daydreaming about for months. Up at you, the boy who had been my 11:11 wish, my last thought at night, my reason for smiling. The boy who had just uttered the three words I’d been waiting years to hear. I looked up at you, and then without a thought, I leaned in and I kissed you.

A short kiss, a sweet kiss. A kiss that threatened to make the butterflies explode from my chest and fill the sky like confetti. A kiss that took my breath away and left my body melting into yours. A kiss that sent a ricochet of goosebumps dancing down my spine. A kiss that whispered a thousand secrets and screamed ‘finally!’ into the crisp night sky.

We broke apart slowly, eyes locked. And I couldn’t keep the smile from escaping my lips this time as I stared at you giving me the same goofy smile back. Such a perfect smile, this time directed at me. Me. You like me.

‘Well it’s a good thing I like you back then, isn’t it?’


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The Finally Answered Question

They were walking along a quiet dusty road, where the sound of car tyres rolling slowly along gravel was the only sound that accompanied their voices, when the topic turned to love. They were walking side by side, their fingers almost touching as they walked comfortably beside each other. He started the conversation, asking her if she was lonely. She looked at him with vague confusion written across her face.

‘What I mean is, don’t you get lonely sometimes?’ he asked, a slight blush forming on his cheeks which was barely visible in the growing darkness, ‘Don’t you want a boyfriend?’

She raised her eyebrows in sudden deep thought, her forehead wrinkling as she pondered in a way that made his stomach flip. Her mouth curled as she looked towards the ground, then finally looked up and stared at him with wide brown eyes, brown eyes he’d grown to love.

‘Not especially,’ she said, shrugging, ‘I mean, sometimes when I see couples, I feel a little stab of loneliness. But most of the time, I’m fine being single. I’m not interested in a relationship just yet.’

And with that she turned and started walking slightly faster, turning her head to smile. He was frozen to the ground, so she came back, took his hand and led him forward, like a guard dog with a blind master.

As they walked through the pools of golden light spilling from the streetlights, she asked him, ‘What about you? Are you lonely?’

He dropped her hand, lowered his head so she couldn’t see his eyes properly. ‘A little. Sometimes.’

Her eyes widened suddenly as an idea struck her. ‘You’ve found somebody, haven’t you?’

Right there, he wished the world would swallow him up, that the cracks in the pavements could open and he would be swallowed deep into their crevices. He wished he could disappear away from this conversation; why did he have to bring it up in the first place? But instead, he sighed and gave a small, almost imperceptible nod.

She gasped, and was going to jokingly hit his arm and begin to tease when she realised how serious he looked. She decided to try something different.

‘What’s she like?’ she asked softly, cocking her head slightly to the side.

A million thoughts ran through his mind. She was beautiful, kind, on a whole different world from everyone else. Her smile and laughter could light up a room Her quirky habits frowned upon by most fascinated him. He could stare into her eyes for a million years, getting lost inside her amazing mind. Finally he managed to choke out, ‘She’s pretty amazing.’

With that, he raised his head and looked her straight in the eye. ‘She’s absolutely amazing.’

Their eyes locked in a sudden moment of electricity, understanding passing through them like a thunderbolt. Her eyes widened and her lips parted, a small ‘o’ shape forming on her lips. His eyes remained fixed on her complex beauty, her everything.

Eventually she half-whispered, ‘Why don’t you go for her then? If she’s so amazing?’

His mouth twisted into a small grimace, his yes shadowing over in hurt. ‘She’s not interested in a relationship.’

This time she could not stop a real gasp escaping her lips. Surely he couldn’t mean her? But the way his eyes were focused on her, never leaving her gaze, spoke the truth. She was the one for him. And when she saw the look of hurt in his eyes, the cracks of lost hope, she wanted to take him in her arms and hold him forever.

‘She’s not interested in a relationship, just yet,’ she said slowly, her lips forming a small smile, ‘But there’s always tomorrow, you know.’

A smile spread across his lips, his eyes gaining their shine once more. She leaned forward, kissed him briefly on the lips to show him she meant it. A fleeting moment, small but so full of meaning, a small spark for a firework’s explosion. And as she kissed him, she couldn’t help but keep a wide smile off her face. Butterflies fluttered in their stomachs and threatened to carry them off into the night sky, and their hearts beat like kick drums. And after this one perfect moment, this one perfect kiss, they just stopped and stared at each other. Boy and girl. Friends up until then, and now something much more. A question now answered, the puzzle solved, and a perfect solution found.

And so they turned and walked off, through pools of golden glow and past slow cars out on late night drives, a boy and girl side by side, their fingers touching slightly, electric sparks passing between the two as they walked comfortably beside each other and through the night.


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Him.

I like his hands. I like putting my hands against his and we gasp at how much bigger his fingers are than mine. I like it when we play wrestle, and his fingers wrap around mine.

I like his hair. I like to run my fingers through it and play with it. I like it when he leans against me and the smell of his hair sinks into my clothes and I feel like he’s a part of me.

I like his eyes. They’re blue green, with flecks of gold that show up in the sunlight. I like the way they crease when he laughs and light up like a thousand stars when he smiles.

I like his smile too, and his laugh. He sometimes lets out a small chuckle, other times laugh so hard that almost no sound comes out. And all the while he’s smiling that gorgeous smile, and when it’s directed at me I can’t help but go weak at the knees.